My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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