wat bout pragnant strippers??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
