Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
