I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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