Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
