did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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