I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
