What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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