i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize