Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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