I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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