and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
