Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
