so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We have started to decorate penises.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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