A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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