i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
