One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
