his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
