Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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