there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need moral support for this bender
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I did not marry a roomba.
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