Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
