This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
