IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
