so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
