i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
