No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
