She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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