Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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