I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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