$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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