you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
