Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just threw up on my dentist
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
