with your own penis?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i love accidental penises.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
third nipple confirmed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
