dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
