Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
