And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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