i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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