Buhtt sex?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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