am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The air was thick with penises
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
