I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
