We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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