I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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