i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
