so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
