Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
