I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
