he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
