so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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