I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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