I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
