you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
