I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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