There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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