and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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