just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
