my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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