She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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