I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
