He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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