It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
