I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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