I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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