Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
