why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
