"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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