I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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