wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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