Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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