I wannas sexs uuuuu
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
