I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
