5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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