I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
