Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
