I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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