You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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