I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
